Happy **** Day

Yep it’s that day again, the one great day on the year where we celebrate out affection towards our significant other. And it’s totally crap. Needless to say it’s not a favorite of mine. I can’t say i have ever had one work out for me and that’s not for lack of trying. So yeah, i’m left a bit jaded about it. And this year is no different. Several months ago i had it all sort of planned out, as i had a number of things. None of which worked. Now i am not saying i didn’t do anything, because i did. But more than likely it will go unnoticed and be sort of waste. And i’ll be disappointed. Not like it matters. Maybe i’ll say eventually, but not now.

Anyhow i know i haven’t posted in a while. After my last meltdown and retraction, i decided it was best to sort of not for a short time. Just a way to let my mind get sorted out. Try not to overly obsess about things and put some other distractions in my life. it sort of worked. So i just didn’t post anything and turned off the auto posts for the others. It was nice having not to deal with this for a week or 2.

I’m on a new medication now, Lamictal, which is basically the preferred “gold standard” drug of choice for bipolar disorder, as opposed to Lithium or Depakote. And like most medications for bipolar it was originally developed and still used for the treatment of convulsions It’s side effects are less and its efficacy seems to be greater than some of the other related meds. Now it does have side effects, pretty much the same as every CNS drug, lethargy, some digestions issues, vivid dreams, insomnia and i have been experiencing them to some degree, but not enough for me to stop taking it. However there is one major side effect that Lamictal has, and that is the “Lamictal Rash.” From what i understand it’s pretty infrequent, and usually has to do with start on to high of a dose initially So you have to be eased into it (titration), taking a progressively higher dose every couple of weeks till you either hit 200mg or you find a good maintenance level. I’m at the starting dose 25 mg.

To be honest, yeah i can feel a difference. Started to feel it just a couple of days after. My moods don’t seem to be swinging as much, and well they also seem to be lifted. Which is good. Am i totally where i want to be yet, no, but this is a good start and a welcome change. Still on the Celexa as well. The plan is to see how the Lamictal works, then possibly ease off the Celexa, and perhaps in time add something for the ADHD (like Adderall or Concerta). Either way the Lamictal seems to be stabilizing my thoughts and allowing my mind to clear, which should make therapy more effective.

Speaking of therapy it’s been going good. Still a lot of me venting about stuff, but it seems to be good to that as she is able to see how i think and what my thought patterns can be like. Have also been working on identifying triggers ans situations in which cause me to go haywire. It seems to be coming down to a series of stressful events that lead up to my breaking down, both major and minor. Now it’s learning how to handle those situations better in order to prevent a break down from happening and just to make life easier in general. Also discussed about fixing some stuff with friends, but i’ll leave the details for another post.

I don’t know if i mentioned this but i have a new primary care physician now. Had to change in part because of the insurance i now have, old doctor was not in the plan. But i was also thinking about changing anyway. First appointment is next week. Sure he will say something about the weight gain and the cholesterol being high. But i’m looking to get back on track. Have some new running shorts and shirts, waiting on new ear buds and armband for the phone. Then back to running. Perhaps this year i’ll be able to make it to a 5k.