Football Day in Baltimore, meh…
Today is a playoff day in Baltimore. Ravens vs Broncos in Denver. As i write this the game is tied a 14 all half the way through the second quarter. By the time you read this one of the two teams will have one. And personally i could care less. It’s not that i don’t like football. I love it. And it’s not because the Ravens aren’t my team, they aren’t i support the Philadelphia Eagles, but i can play the homer card when needed. But i am not watching the game and could care less about its outcome. But this post isn’t about football.
Like i said i like football. And it’s not about the Ravens, not my team but i’ll support the home town . It’s about not fitting in. It’s about not being part of a community. I grew up just outside of the city, but it’s essentially the city, just slightly quieter. As a kid i used to love to go into the city, it was fabulous. I still like it now. But going into it isn’t the same as being a part of it, feeling it. And i want to. My family has been here for decades and all i want to do is feel like i belong. Instead i feel like the alone outcast.
It’s hard to explain. Trust me i’ve tried. But it’s something i bring up often in therapy. And the root of it is apparent, my childhood. How to overcome it is not. And i not that i haven’t tried. I just have not been successful. Or at least i don’t think i have been. IDK. I know i rather be watching the game with As or out doing something with others. Instead i am sitting at home watching Fringe. Fitting name of a show for how i feel, on the fringe.
But what do i know, i just feel like i am blubbering on.
E-a-g-l-e-s EAGLES!
i can agree with that =)
I love going into the city, honestly Baltimore has shaped me as a person, I know it is obvious I wouldn’t be the same person if I grew up else-where, but I would not be the same kind of deep-thinking young gal that I am today if it were not for the amazing culture Baltimore has to offer.
So do i and it has with me as well. And i agree, i am sure i would be different if i had grown up elsewhere as well. But i have lived with this love hate relationship with not so much the city it’s self but perhaps the people. I guess it is a result of things that happened to me growing up. I want to feel a part of this community, but i just haven’t been able to. But being a Ravens fan is a different thing, i am an O’s fan, but the Ravens, not the team i grew up with, and i didn’t live here when they moved here or the year they won the superbowl.