Football Day in Baltimore, meh…
Today is a playoff day in Baltimore. Ravens vs Broncos in Denver. As i write this the game is tied a 14 all half the way through the second quarter. By the time you read this one of the two teams will have one. And personally i could care less. It’s not that i don’t like football. I love it. And it’s not because the Ravens aren’t my team, they aren’t i support the Philadelphia Eagles, but i can play the homer card when needed. But i am not watching the game and could care less about its outcome. But this post isn’t about football.
Like i said i like football. And it’s not about the Ravens, not my team but i’ll support the home town . It’s about not fitting in. It’s about not being part of a community. I grew up just outside of the city, but it’s essentially the city, just slightly quieter. As a kid i used to love to go into the city, it was fabulous. I still like it now. But going into it isn’t the same as being a part of it, feeling it. And i want to. My family has been here for decades and all i want to do is feel like i belong. Instead i feel like the alone outcast.
It’s hard to explain. Trust me i’ve tried. But it’s something i bring up often in therapy. And the root of it is apparent, my childhood. How to overcome it is not. And i not that i haven’t tried. I just have not been successful. Or at least i don’t think i have been. IDK. I know i rather be watching the game with As or out doing something with others. Instead i am sitting at home watching Fringe. Fitting name of a show for how i feel, on the fringe.
But what do i know, i just feel like i am blubbering on.